Tiny Interactions, Huge Impact

I want to start by acknowledging that among other turbulent things in the world, the war in Ukraine is still happening. There are currently families in Ukraine without heat, food, and power.   
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A day before Thanksgiving, I wanted to write something warm and uplifting. Instead, the topic of loneliness kept coming up from multiple directions. “A 2018 survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 22% of adults in the United States struggle with chronic loneliness”, Shankar Vedantam cites in a recent podcast episode of Hidden Brain. Loneliness can be an uncomfortable subject to discuss, especially when others appear to be super connected, via social media and otherwise. Moreover, in the context of bigger issues in the world, loneliness can be easily dismissed as a ‘first world problem’.
 
Advice frequently given to counteract loneliness (and depression) is to perform acts of service for others. True, it is an effective practice: it shifts our attention away from our internal sense of ‘lack’ toward our capability to create something and connect with others. Yet... Sometimes we feel completely spent, like a car that runs out of gas in the middle of the road. (This feeling may not reflect the actual situation, but it is experienced as reality).

At moments like this, we may hope for someone else’s kind act of service toward us. This is embarrassing because we know that in principle, we should be more capable because we are better resourced than many others around the world. If no one notices our distress, it is not always clear whom we can ask for help, and for what help precisely to ask in this situation.
 
The Power of Tiny Interactions, another podcast episode of Hidden Brain, offers an interesting idea. In the program, researcher Gillian Sandstrom suggests that small spontaneous interactions with strangers (when it feels safe!) that happen in coffee shops, on a train during a daily commute, or in checkout lines make our lives more joyful, interesting, and surprising.
 
So, here is what I'm thinking for in terms of modifying "performing acts of service” when we feel both lonely and overwhelmed: create and experience tiny positive interactions.
 
- Send or say a one-liner ‘thank you’ for something specific – to a teacher, a neighbor, a customer service representative on the phone. “Thank you for being so responsive; it makes a huge difference”.

- Compliment someone on something in particular that you liked: a clothing item, on a post they wrote, on an idea they shared, on they way they did something. “I really needed to hear this today, and you said it so beautifully.”

- Ask a genuinely curious question about something that is important to the person. “How did end up becoming [name their profession or hobby]?”

- Ask a question that allows someone to showcase his/her expertise in an easy one-line response. For instance, “What intro book would you recommend on the subject of [name the area of the person’s expertise]?”

- Share a resource. “I just read this fantastic article about xyz, and thought you may also find it relevant and interesting.”

These tiny interactions may help you feel less lonely and more connected (and not just social-network-connected). Importantly, we never really know the depth of each other’s loneliness, so do not underestimate what a huge difference your tiny interaction can make for another person.

With gratitude, 

Alina

Alina Bas, PhD Researcher, Executive Coach 
Develop sensible strategies for dealing with uncertainty.