Life-Changing Events: Are You Ready?
How are you these days? Sorry for being away for an unusually long time; mostly, spent this time restructuring my practice, resting a bit, and catching up on things post-PhD. It feels like a good time for us to reconnect.
I’ve been seeing an increased number of clients going through disruptive life-changing events lately. Is it a sign of the times, or a mark of people who are holding up the world on their shoulders? Both? I wanted to check in and ask how you are managing. (Please, drop me a note, I read your messages personally, and care to know how you are.)
We never feel fully ready when a crisis hits, even though we have a lot of practice: we face difficult life-changing events all the time, be it a forced career transition, loss of a relationship, death in the family, or a more global crisis in the industry or in the country.
When faced with a life-changing event, your heart and mind may race:
“Who am I now without this job?”
“How am I supposed to live normally with this diagnosis?!”
“Isn’t it ironic that the divorce came right when I thought we’ve got it all figured out?!”
“I have been with this company for 15 years, built my team from scratch, understand the product inside out, know all the key players… How does it make sense that I transferred?!”
You may feel numb: It may feel like there’s nothing to do or say when you’re passed over for a well-deserved opportunity. You may experience stillness and emptiness when the long-awaited baby doesn’t come into being.
You may experience a surge of energy, going into overdrive to dig up all the available info, reach out to every single person in your network, and rush to try any possible solution.
You may go through a slowing down, and a sense of helplessness so epic that you see nightmares about being at the bottom of a deep dark pit.
Artist: Laurie Anderson. Four Talks.
Before you jump into “what to do next” during a gut-wrenching life-changing event, take time to understand where you are and how you are.
1. Where are you?
Understand how far this life-changing event makes your life deviate from ‘business-as-usual’; this will dictate what help you may need. Do you have a precedent for the current event in your life that may guide you on how to proceed? Do you have sufficient resources to deal with the situation? Is there sufficient data about what is really happening? Are you seeing the type of complexity which you know in principle how to address, or are you seeing something completely unfamiliar to you?
2. How are you?
Understand how you’re responding to this event physically and emotionally; this will dictate what you can get yourself to do in light of the life-changing event. How far off is your energy level compared to business-as-usual? How much control do you feel you have in the situation? Is your stress level through the roof, or manageable? Do you have anyone you trust in the situation?
3. What do you do now?
Your action plan should be informed by your previous answers, taking into consideration whether you have the resources, energy, control, and familiarity with the situation. If I were to generalize based on what I’ve seen in my research and coaching practice, I would suggest this:
STOP doing anything elective. If possible, stop, period. Even if for a short time. Take a breath, look around, let everything sink in, and understand what’s happening. Stopping is not always possible, but at least, stop doing what’s not absolutely essential. Give yourself time.
DROP anything that is not working. There is simply no time and resources to deal with it.
COPE by taking care of your very basic needs to the extent that you can: do what it takes to get sleep; eat something regularly; move your body as you can – go for a walk, stretch, do a wall sit – whatever your health and energy allow; get fresh air and sunlight, even if it means sitting by the open window for a bit. In each of these cases, some is better than none.
My job is to help clients proactively strategize and persevere during life-changing events. Often, their companies pay for this, even when the person is on the way out of the company, and even if these events are of a personal nature. Could this help you? Could this help your colleague, a friend, a family member? Please, let me know. A one-on-one conversation would allow us to move from the general ideas to customized solutions.
Even though we may never feel fully ready for life-changing events, we can get better at persevering and staying well during these events. May you be well.
With gratitude,
Alina
Dr Alina Bas, Strategy Consultant & Executive Coach
Strategy for advancing during uncertainty.
http://AlinaBas.com
NEWS AND UPDATES
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I just returned from a PhD graduation ceremony at the University of Strathclyde Business School, Glasgow, UK. I skipped my MA graduation at NYU, being too eager to leave school behind and dive into work. BA graduation felt like a celebration, but also a segue to the next university. This one – a true rite of passage. Now, I am open to new teaching, consulting, and research opportunities in Strategy and Leadership Development in NYC or remotely. Please, connect me if you know someone who needs to talk to me, or to whom I should talk. Thank you!
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In the meantime, our work, “A Myth of Getting Through Uncertainty”, was just presented at the European Group of Organizational Studies (EGOS) conference by my academic advisor, now a colleague, Dr Viktor Dörfler in Cagliari, Italy. It was a part of the EGOS’ research stream on understanding extreme contexts.
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I am experimenting with this idea: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/alinabas . If you have been enjoying my articles over the years, if they make you think differently, try something new, if you've had interesting conversations based on what I've shared with you – it’s wonderful! If you feel like showing appreciation, please follow the link! (Or just send me a quick note and say hello.) And if it's time for us to have a call, please schedule it at https://www.alinabas.com/schedule
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