Real vs. Realistic

Jun 12

Does it matter whether something is real if it feels realistic enough?

This question was famously posed in the sci-fi drama Westworld, when an android hostess was asked whether she was real. She answered: “Well, if you can’t tell, does it matter?”

As technology advances, it is becoming harder to tell the difference between realistic and real. Things can feel real because they were designed to feel real. And this makes human discernment more important than ever, judging when realistic is enough, and when real should not be substituted.

For example, a colleague can create the impression of empathy without feeling empathetic. They may understand what empathy sounds like and deliver it when the moment calls for it. Or we may receive a proposal that sounds exactly like the work of a thoughtful mid-level manager. It may reflect the manager’s thinking. Or it may be entirely AI-generated. The empathy seems appropriate. The proposal seems reasonable. Does it matter if they are real or realistic?

Sometimes, realistic is indistinguishable from real. Other times, we can sense that something feels off, but dismiss the sensation either because it is difficult to verify or because we call it “realistic enough”.

Here’s the main difference between realistic and real:

Realistic is reverse-engineered from the expected experience it is supposed to create.

Realistic is built around an expected result. It can create the appearance of empathy, insight, care, or judgment. But without a predetermined script, it has no source to draw upon in creating a relevant and interesting outcome.

For example, AI can produce excellent results that realistically resemble the thinking of an analyst. It can also sound warm, thoughtful, rigorous, challenging, even surprising, resembling the response of an engaged person. And for many tasks, that is enough.

Reverse-engineered ‘realistic’ fails at the unprecedented moment that requires real engagement: the moment no one optimized for.

Sometimes, a convincing version of yesterday’s answer may be more dangerous than no answer at all. Real trumps realistic when old cues are no longer enough to effectively respond to new complexity. That’s when we seek real understanding and real engagement.

Real comes from a source that exists independently of the experience it creates in others.

Even when the real aims to create an experience for us, it draws on its own nature to deliver that experience. Real has an inner source that creates the result. An experienced colleague who understands the field and thinks creatively. A partner who is emotionally present and responsive. A board of directors that notices something that is off even when everything appears to be right. A friend who brings their own perspective rather than manages our experience.

Does it always matter whether we are getting a realistic experience or a real one?

Not necessarily.

If the result is satisfactory, the source origin may be irrelevant. A hotel-checkout pleasantry makes the exchange smoother. A kind-sounding sentence still lands as comfort. A plant-based burger can be not only delicious, but taste like meat.

When our pursuit is solely a predictable result, realistic may be enough.

Yet, when we desire a connection and access to the source for outcomes we couldn’t specify, when we want original solutions to unstructured problems, when we crave genuine engagement, ‘realistic’ is not enough.

Ask yourself frequently: “In this case,do I simply need the result, or do I also want access to the source that can flexibly, creatively, and wisely produce new relevant understanding?”

For leaders, this is essential. The more power you hold, the more people learn to manage your experience. You are given answers that sound reasonable, polished, and safe at times when your thinking needs to be challenged most. Don’t mistake a convincing realistic delivery for access to a real, generative source of new understanding.

As realistic keeps getting better, keep reassessing where real still has value to you. And when you find your real sources, treasure them.

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Please forward this to someone who may be thinking about the value of real vs. realistic. And if you want to discuss the implications of this distinction in your work and life, please reach out.
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With gratitude,

Alina
Dr. Alina Bas, PCC
Executive Coach & Strategist
Adjunct Professor, NYU Graduate School of Arts and Science
https://AlinaBas.com/schedule
Alina@AlinaBas.com

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