Effective Alternative to “Searching”
I often hear people share ideas along the following lines:
"I need to find my true self."
"I want to find my real purpose."
"I’ll find true love when the time is right."
"I’m trying to find balance in my life."
"I want to find the right path."
Do these statements sound familiar to you? Something about them feels... off. They imply that these "end goals" actually exist—as if there’s a real true self, real purpose, true love or right path just waiting to be discovered. And we may even resort to seeking out gurus who supposedly can tell us specific details about finding these entities.
Let’s pause and consider this for a minute.
Does your “true self” actually exist, in principle?
If it does, how do you know you’ve found it?
How would you know whether the self that you find is the “true” one?
If you grow and change, does that mean you’ve lost your true self? Or does your true self evolve?
Similarly:
Is there such a thing as a real purpose?
How can you be sure the purpose you’ve found is “the real one”?
Is “true love” out there waiting for you like an object to be discovered?
What about balance? If your life feels out of balance, where exactly are you supposed to "find" balance?
How do you find the "right path," since there’s no actual path to follow?
Here’s the core of the problem: These ideas of “finding” are metaphors, not actual destinations or objects to be found. The search for them isn’t about "finding" at all—it’s about creating.
From Finding to Creating: The Real Game-Changer
Instead of searching for your true self, real purpose, true love, or right path, what if you focus on creating them? This may sound like wordplay, but it’s a perspective shift that changes everything.
Take relationships, for example. You don’t “find” a relationship per se. A relationship emerges as you engage with another person. You create the relationship through shared experiences, time, energy, attention, and mindful interactions. The relationship unfolds—not because you stumbled upon it, but because you’re creating it as you journey.
A Note on Constraints
Of course, it’s not always about "trying harder" or "engaging more." External factors can limit us in ways that are difficult or impossible to overcome. But even within those constraints, we can start where we are and create whatever is possible under the circumstances.
Just like gravity is our ongoing falling toward the center of Earth, metaphorically "finding" your true self, real purpose, or balance entails ongoing engagement with yourself in the areas where you want to have these outcomes. As unsettling as it may seem, these outcomes are constantly emerging as part of your journey. You can never quite arrive at a final destination of these “true” and “real” outcomes, just like your process of engaging with gravitational pull of the Earth never stops – you can never stop falling.
What you can do is engage from where you are, without judgment.
Set a vision in soft focus. What would it feel like if you arrived at this place you’re imagining?
Align with that vision—emotionally, intellectually, and physically.
Invest your time, energy, and attention into creating it.
It’s this ongoing engagement and realignment that allows you to create the life you want.
It’s Simple, but Not Easy
This process may sound abstract or even trivial. But believe me—there’s nothing trivial about actually implementing it.
It’s not something you can explain simpler or in a way that is more complex—it’s something you experience through action.
What Do You Think?
What are you hoping to "find"? And how might it change your life to shift from finding to creating?
If you want guidance and help in this process or creating, I am here to help.
With gratitude,
Alina
Dr. Alina Bas, PCC
Strategy Consultant & Executive Coach
https://AlinaBas.com
Alina@AlinaBas.com
NEWS & UPDATES
I have recently delivered a custom-designed talk on best practices and trends in Executive Development, and ways to incorporate these practices in the host organization. This organization is already offering top of the line world-class Executive Education. In over 20 years of giving talks, workshops and presentations, this was probably the first time when I did not write out verbatim what I was going to say, did not over-rehearse and memorize the script, and instead shared well-researched well-prepared content that I already know deeply and broadly. The reward was having an insightful and heartfelt conversation during the Q&A with absolutely brilliant participants, who stayed engaged and curious, and who asked very difficult questions the answers to which we brainstormed together. This is the type of work that I live for. Is your company’s HR/OD department interested in a talk on best practices in Executive Development? Let's talk about it.
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On a personal note, February is my birthday month, and February always brings some unexpected magic to me - unexpected flowers, beautiful reconnections, and a great excuse to celebrate love on Valentine's Day. Would you share your favorite love/connection story with me? It will truly feel like a gift. I love stories about soulful connections. And I promise to keep the story that you share confidential.
Our academic book chapter, "Does Intuiting Precede or Follow Mastery?", co-authored with Dr. Viktor Dorfler and Dr. Marta Sinclair, has been accepted for publication in 2025! The chapter is about ways to tell whether someone is an expert, a master, or a grandmaster, and the role of intuiting in developing mastery.
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