How Will Things End?
If you could know precisely how long your relationships would last, echoing the sci-fi show Black Mirror’s episode Hang the DJ, would you want to know? Would you want to know in advance whether you're making the right decision by accepting a particular job offer, or what awaits your kids as they grow up?
Does ‘knowing the ending’ steal the magic and ruin the experience of ‘getting there’?
Let me tell you a secret: I often peek at the last few pages of books or look up Netflix spoilers as soon as I get a sense of the story. In real life, I often tap into intuiting and analysis to see how situations might unfold. (Of course, it’s often not possible to tell what exactly will happen, but one may predict probabilities of certain outcomes.)
Why do we still want to know “how things will end”, even if we understand that the ending is just a moment frozen in time, a story-less dot on the map?
Let’s see when it can serve us to just look up the ending, when it is better to take a journey instead, and when to do both.
Knowing (or attempting to know) the ending can be useful when…
You want to feel prepared. For example, if you know that 90% of startups fail, with 20% failing within the first year, you can arm yourself with additional skills and information on key factors to survive the first year.
If it keeps you calmer and more composed on the journey. If you have a rich range of emotions, knowing the ending may ease the emotional journey, as you may be less swayed by plot twists.
The ending can give a lens through which to view the journey and offer a soft focus. It is like starting a drawing with marking a vanishing point, a place on the drawing to which all lines converge. Knowing the ending could be like having a mission statement, which drives what you want to achieve and why it matters, as well as shapes your strategy and dictates what you will and will not do on your journey to fulfill the mission.
The ending can eliminate the need of the unnecessary or unwanted journey. For example, instead of standing in three separate lines to find out which form you need to fill out, you can just look up the answer, relying on someone else’s experience of standing in these lines (provided that that the information is positioned as updated and reliable).
Knowing (or attempting to know) how things end is NOT helpful when…
The ending in itself is not meaningful without the journey. Often, the ending only tells you what happens, but not how it happens or why it happens, and knowing how and why something happens can be important. The ending without the journey can come across as an isolated fact devoid of intrinsic meaning. For example, 42. So what that 42?! (If this example doesn’t ring any bells, Google “what is 42 the answer to?” for a good laugh).
When the ending spoils your journey. For example, people who watch football games may want to experience big emotions as their team scores or misses. If they are watching a recorded game and learn the score before watching, they may not feel the excitement from the process of watching.
When it does not matter where the journey ends. Does it matter what is the last note in a symphony? You are not listening for the last note, but allowing the music to take you on a journey.
When the experience matters, not just the outcome. It is a known fact that we will all die, but what matters is how we live. On a lighter note, think of the concept of IKEA furniture: some people enjoy the process of having built something with their own hands, not just having a certain piece of furniture. Parenting can be like this as well: it’s not just about where your child ended up at the age of 18, but about all the experiences you have shared over the years.
My biggest pet peeve is when someone confuses the two types of scenarios, and believes that looking up the ending necessarily equates to having arrived to the ending through a journey.
It is the reason why I resent a request like “give me the top three take-aways from your multi-day program”. It is not because I can’t summarize the main take-aways or focal points, but because one gets something qualitatively different by attending the program vs. by hearing the top three take-aways. It is like an avatar in comparison to a person. Learning can profoundly move us and expand our intellectual and emotional palates in a way ‘top three take-aways’ cannot, as they lack the visceral and tacit components of learning. Unless your ultimate goal is intellectually knowing facts, ‘top three take-aways’ won’t suffice.
So, peak at the ending if you must, but first “know thyself”. ‘Knowing the ending’ is not inherently good or bad; it depends on the way you engage with life, what you value, prioritize, how you want to feel, and to spend your time.
I would love to hear what you think about this. Do you prefer to know how things will end, and how do you go about finding out?
With gratitude,
Alina
Dr. Alina Bas, PCC, Strategy Consultant & Executive Coach
https://AlinaBas.com/schedule
New Projects
I am excited to work with a government agency on a fantastic project: creating a system in which managers and leaders feel empowered and unafraid to solve problems instead of passing the problems on to their leaders, finding the right balance between taking ownership of the solutions and keeping the leaders informed.
In another project, I am working with community leaders hand-picked for a selective and intensive international fellowship. The focus was on formulating clear and impactful mission, vision, and goals, that will move their community to have greater positive impact on the world at large. Could leaders in your organization benefit from this type of work? Let's have a brief exploratory call and see.
This summer my colleague Dr. Viktor Dörfler and I have presented at the Academy of Management Conference on the topic of whether AI can intuit. This topic made for a great debate.
Also, if you have a group of friends interested in science-based approach to intuition development, I'm happy to do a private 2-3 hour workshop for your group in person in NYC/NJ area or via zoom. Please, drop me a note to Alina@AlinaBas.com and let me know if you'd like to see this happen.
UPDATES
ICF Certification was Completed this Summer!
I've completed the International Coaching Federation (ICF) certification training, Level 2, leading to the Professional Certified Coach (PCC) credential, and passed the exam to receive the badge. If you are considering working with a coach, please, reach out at Alina@AlinaBas.com , or schedule a Strategic Planning Session; it is a great way to reflect on what is happening, and set sights on what you want to see ahead. https://www.alinabas.com/schedule
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